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"Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass."
— Daniell Koepke

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I’m not going to be the one waiting for you at the altar but I will be the one who surprises you in your thoughts when you’re sitting in a boring cubicle ten years from now. You’ll think of my dresses and my worn out boots I wear too often and ask yourself, “Dammit, why do I still think of her?

We never had a boring moment, even when we didn’t know what to do on a Saturday spring afternoon when you didn’t want to finish papers and I didn’t want to write my stories. So we just laid on your wooden floors and listened to the conversations your neighbors had and the footsteps of your roommates.

I won’t be the one who shows up in your bed ten years from now with apple cinnamon oatmeal because like I once said, “I hate that shit.

But I will be the face you see at night when she’s leaving kisses on your neck and all you can think about are my lips, my thighs on top of yours, and my touch you can still feel down your spine. I promise you that you’ll still crave the peppermint taste that lingers after the many pieces of gum I liked to chew.

I will not be the mother of your children nor will I be the one that gets to meet your parents but hell I will be the one you’ll still think about.

I bet you’re going to wonder who’s met my crazy mother and whose name comes out of my mouth on some nights.

My father’s recipe for the man I should marry..

1. Date a boy who makes you happy, but marry him only if he makes you laugh deep-belly rumbles that hurt your ribs as they expand outwards. Date him when he sees that you’re hurting and he gives you a moment to feel that pain like a handprint spreading across your consciousness, marry him only if he can make you smile even while you’re gross sobbing. The world is not a kind place. You will feel a lot of pain. Make sure you are with someone who makes it all bearable. Humor is an excellent gauge of intelligence. Life gets boring. Find someone who makes the banal interesting.

2. Make sure he has scars on the back of his hands, it’s a good sign he has experience either fighting or making things – creation is an act of selflessness and bruised knuckles are a good sign he knows how to defend himself. You’ve got too much soul to be handled by someone who has never been passionate. If he’s never thrown a punch, let him at least have tasted the insanity of bringing an idea into existence. Rough palms are better than soft ones, they have been salted by this earth and made into leather. Callouses are evidence he has lived, that he has broken skin and been in pain over and over and over again and still came back to the source of it. People rub against each other. Don’t marry him if he can’t handle even a little blister.

3. Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting,see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk – you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he’s out of it now, you’re going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.

4. Trust your instincts. If he ever makes you feel unsafe, don’t make excuses, just get up and leave. That’s all there is to it. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

5. If he puts money before you, he’ll keep pushing you to the bottom of the pile until you become his last priority. It’s one thing if he can’t afford what you want, it’s another if he has the cash but won’t spring for a box of chicken mcnuggets. Money and love are arch enemies. 62% of divorces occur due to economic strain. Make sure keeping you is more important than his 401k.

6. How a man treats animals is a good indicator of how he treats children. If you see him raise a hand to a dog, pack your things into a little black bag. Animals at their worst are only half as annoying as a toddler on their best behaviour. Your kids will be beautiful, but they will also misbehave. Same goes for waiters and hotel maids – if he’s rude to those who are working for minimum wage, it says a lot about how he sees himself. Patience is rare and so important. If he’s not forgiving to a dog, he’s not good for your kids.

7. If he isn’t in awe of you, he doesn’t deserve you. You are my little girl and you were born perfect. If he can’t see that, it’s his loss. There is someone who thinks your flaws power his heart. Be strong. If he asks you to change, be like like rock of your birthstone, do not waver. You are wonderful just the way that you are.

There were always warning signs but you were blinded by hope and and thoughts like, 'Maybe this time it'll be different'. You chose to stay inside a burning building until the smoke became too thick to clear and the foundation began to crack. But now it was time to get yourself out.

No one tells you, though, that trying to move on is a kind of death that you inflict upon yourself. People always make it sound so easy, as if by emptying the stuff in your house, you can empty yourself of the love you still feel. 

The memories you have like to coddle you. Laughter and late nights drunk on the feeling of being young and infatuated. They deposited in you the way sand deposits onto wet summer skin. They stick on you in the most unconventional places, underneath fingernails and knobby knees. But you let them stay because it reminds you of how you were once in the water and the sun was beating on your neck. 

You now know that was how you ruin yourself.  

Before the word us turned into something singular, everything had already changed. You look back, really look back, and you see that he is not the same. And neither are you. So you release the fists clenching onto the past and you take off your rose-colored glasses.

You used to mistake the silhouette on the wall for yourself. Used to think of yourself as a stray cat scratching on his door, waiting to be let in again. Not anymore. 

It takes time for you to realize that your life with him is not juxtaposed. It’s not as simple as a before and after. He is just a detour on your journey. The destination is still there, waiting for you.

When you finally let go, it is like opening your front door and seeing yourself standing there again.

Welcome home, it’s been so long.

Tina TranThe art of letting go 

Sometimes I can’t sleep at night. There is an emptiness there. From when you’d keep me up past 3am, because you cared. It’s been almost a year now. You’re still keeping me up. But I haven’t talked to you in some time. You’re just in my head. You expect me to forget our nights, us, you. You expect me to pretend it never happened. Because you can move on, because he owns your night now. Forgive me for believing in a forever. I forgot that things can end. You just forgot about me I guess… But you know why its so ******* impossible for me to let you go! Because every song, every moment, every person, I relate to you. Because you brought me out of hell, just to put me back again. That little taste of heaven, oh god, that was you. Now, I lay here wanting to disappear. No matter how ****** up I get, I always have hell to come back down to. You threw me into the flames, and watched my world burn.

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-A-Broken-Heart/4533153

extramadness:

More quotes HERE

extramadness:

More quotes HERE

I knew you’d leave, I was just hoping you’d take me with you.

- (via captain-nina)

janjonny:

You just don’t know!

janjonny:

You just don’t know!

Don’t expect everyone to have the same heart that you have.

Don’t expect everyone to have the same heart that you have.

No such thing as coincidence.

No such thing as coincidence.

More from Warsan Shire

More from Warsan Shire